“God, is there a statute of limitations on asking forgiveness for an offense? And is it really necessary if so much time has passed that it probably doesn’t even matter to that person – they probably don’t even remember anyway.”
“If you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother, then come and offer your gift.” (Matt 5:23)
About six months ago, I was listening to a chapel speaker talking about forgiveness. He stressed the importance of either forgiving someone who has wronged me personally or seeking the forgiveness of someone I had wronged. He cited Matthew 6:14-15 (“If you forgive men their sins, your heavenly Father will also forgive you your sins. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your heavenly Father will not forgive your sins.”), the parable of the Unmerciful Servant, and then the verse quoted above. Almost immediately, someone’s name came to mind, someone whose forgiveness I needed to seek. But I brushed the thought away. “I see this person all the time,” I rationalized, “There doesn’t seem to be any animosity. Besides, its been so long; any apology is probably a moot point by now, more detrimental then beneficial. It would only open old wounds, not bring healing.” I rationalized until I dismissed the idea. I thought that was the end of it.
But the thing with God (both wonderful and painful) is that if something is wrong in your life, He will continue to gently remind you that something is wrong. And that is exactly what happened. For SIX MONTHS! Some nights l laid awake, unable to sleep. Every verse about forgiveness seemed to jump off the page. Was it my imagination, or was my relationship with this person getting more strained? My relationship with God became strained as well. I searched Scripture. No where does the Bible give any indication that it is okay to refuse to seek forgiveness because “too much time has passed” or because “It probably doesn’t matter to that person anymore.”
Finally, I couldn’t take anymore. I wrote out a sincere, heartfelt letter, telling this person that I wasn’t sure what it was worth anymore, but I was sorry. Sorry for whatever, if any, pain and hurt that my words caused them so long ago. I begged them to forgive me. Asking forgiveness is different than apologizing. You give an apology. Only the person you wronged can offer forgiveness. Once you have asked for forgiveness, the “ball is in their court.” The wronged makes the choice to release all ill will and grudges toward you.
If you are currently afraid to ask for forgiveness for fear that you will not be forgiven, don’t let that hold you back. If the person you beg forgiveness of and seek to reconcile with refuses, the issue then becomes one between that person and God. At that point, you have done all you can do, all that is asked of you. I was afraid to ask forgiveness. I was afraid that doing so would reopen old wounds, and cause a problem where there was none. I don’t yet know the result of my plea on my relationship with this person, but I DO know that I feel the most incredible sense of freedom and peace before the throne of God. That alone is worth the risk taken by obedience to Jesus’ command. That is worth the risk of loving someone enough to take the first step toward reconciliation.
