From "Hate to Wait" to "Willing to Wait"

If ever there was a theme to describe my life, it would be...waiting.  I hate waiting.  I hate things happening outside my carefully constructed time-frame.  I hate it when I have to wait and others don't.  Confession: I am a selfish control freak.  So, it shouldn't surprise me that the process God brings me through again and again is one of waiting.   All of my life, especially the last few years, God has brought me through a seemingly continuous cycle of me complaining about waiting - to brokenness - to a willingness to wait on Him and trust His timing.

This process has perhaps never been so painfully evident in my life as it is right now.  One of my dearest friends has just announced her engagement to the love of her life, and I, against all intentions otherwise, have allowed myself to slip into envy and self-pity - because she has now what I want now. (Dearie, if you are reading this, please know that I am overjoyed and couldn't be more thrilled or excited for you as your wedding approaches, it just turns out that.... I'm human. ;)  I found myself thinking, "It's not fair.  I've been waiting longer; I want this part of my love story now, I, I, I; me, me me.

Well, praise the Lord He is able and willing to bring beauty from the rubble of my humanity.  A popular song by Anthem Lights seemed to sum up my feelings nicely:

Feeling like I've got a front row seat

To watch everybody be happy

Can't even paint a smile on my face

It's so hard to not complain.

Gotta try not to say,

"Oh God, what about me?"

Because I know that's not the way

that I'm supposed to be

As God (through trusted friends and His precious Word) has begun to bring my heart back into alignment with His, the next part of the song becomes my prayer:

Get me outta my mind

and into Your heart

It's not about me

It's not about me.

So I'm gonna start 

Playing my part

In Your design

Now is the time.

Get me outta my mind.

Oh brothers and sisters, the enemy of our souls knows where I am weakest.  But praise God that His strength is perfect in my weakness.  Learning to wait on God's timing, learning to trust, is where the enemy knows I am weak - but God knows it too.  He knows the deepest parts of my heart, for He formed it. And He offers His strength where I am weakest.  I believe He brings us through trials that make us weak, because it reveals HIS strength in our lives.  It is in those weak, worn, tired moments that He draws us unto Himself, to His presence, and fills us with peace, joy, and contentment only He can give. He never fails to show me time and time again that His timing is more perfect that I could have ever imagined or planned for. And for this, I am eternally in love with my precious Savior.

So, I may never like to wait, but, with His strength and mercy, I can say I am willing to wait.