Recently, I have begun working in a classroom full of "behavior" kids - kids with autism, PTSD (from abuse or trauma), ADHD, and other issues. These kids are prone to doing some pretty unlovable things - throwing objects, slamming doors, full-blown tantrums and meltdowns, punching classmates, kicking teachers, name-calling, etc. When I tell people I work with "behavior" kids, I hear a myriad of responses
"Oh, wow. Better you than me."
"How do you deal with those kids all day??"
"What those kids need is some more discipline and consequences."
"Bless your heart - I sure couldn't work with them."
"*sigh* those kids just don't belong in regular school."
More than anything, these reactions make me sad. In general, the consensus (yes, even among Christians) seems to be "Of course we need to love these kids, but I just can't deal with them," or "well, yes of course they need love but we don't have time to deal with them in "regular school." Basically, we acknowledge that they need love, but we are only willing to love them from a distance, or we admit they need to be loved, but "someone else" needs to do it.
Essentially, whether we admit it or not, we want to teach these kids how to behave so that we can love them. What kind of attitude is that? That they are only worthy of our love after they learn to act lovable? Some of these kids have backgrounds you wouldn't believe - 7 year olds who have already been through more trauma in their lives then I will ever face in mine! Some of these kids are autistic, and process everything in the world in a completely different way. Many of them have no one secure or constant in their lives. Some haven't developed social skills and are alienated from their peers. What these kids need first is LOVE. They need someone to say, "I care about you; I love you no matter what happens. When you have a meltdown and punch me because you are overwhelmed, I will still love you. I want to help you make friends, to not have meltdowns, to learn to voice what you need. I am here to cheer you on when you triumph, and I am here to lift you up when you stumble and fail. Good or bad, I am here to teach, encourage, and love you.
Beloved, we all need someone like this in our lives. While driving home one day after school, I was praying for the kids at my school and God brought a verse to my mind.
"Let the little children come to me...for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
I very nearly had to pull over. I sat in the car and began to sob. Children, even the ones we label "behavior" kids, are precious to God. Jesus died for them too. And then I realized: without Christ, I am no more lovable than any of those kids. We all stand before a perfect, holy, Almighty God as sinners, the lowest of the low. And yet, in that state, Christ died for our sins, in our place.
"Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:7-8
You were worth all of Christ's blood, pain, and tears while you were still dead in your sins, BEFORE He began His sanctifying work in you. As C.S. Lewis stated, because God loves us, He must set about the task of making us lovable. (paraphrase). Loved ones, if this is God's attitude toward us - to love us, to die for us SO He can make us lovable, and if Christ died for these kids too, then who are we to decide how much love they are worth from us? I'm not advocating that we overlook the behavior or condone it, but if our only reason for loving these kids is to "change them," then they are only a part of an agenda. And these kids can see right through it. They don't want to be a project, they want to be precious. They need unconditional positive regard; they need it desperately - like water, like oxygen. They are used to people coming into their lives, and then leaving when the going gets tough. I've seen the defeat in their eyes when a tantrum is over (and I've never even seen the worst of it), the fear that now they've ruined everything. What they need in those circumstances is reassurance: to be told, "I'm still here. I've seen the worst and I'm not going anywhere. I will help you pick up the pieces and start anew." They need to know a love that is constant and true. This is the same way Jesus loves us when we fail Him.
Brothers and sisters, I challenge you to love these children - to have empathy and compassion, to try and understand where they are coming from. Love them unconditionally. I haven't mentioned the best part of working with these kids, the best part of loving and teaching them. The kids I have the privilege of working with are the most loving children I have ever met. They are funny, silly, smart, crazy, loving kids. A little unconditional love, tender support, and teaching, and these kids flourish! They never cease to blow me away with their capacity to love, to learn, and to capture the heart of any person willing to extend compassion, and take a moment to understand. I can truly say that I have never been happier in any job than I am loving and working with these kids everyday.
It has been said that those who need love the most will ask for it in the most unloving ways. This is unequivocally true. Whenever you encounter a child like this, love them the same way Christ loves you - radically, unconditionally, and constantly. Love them unconditionally, and watch the unlovable become lovable. Love the unlovable, and get a glimpse of the heart of God.
