I am constantly amazed at the lessons God has seen fit to teach me through the students in the behavior classroom. I've come to find that God has so much to teach me - about His character, His promises, His love, - if I am willing to listen. I am blown away by the opportunity to get a look into the heart of God.
A situation a few weeks ago provided one such experience.
One student I work with was having a particularly difficult day, and blew up/melted down a few times. That student was frustrated with me, with the work to be done, with the classroom expectations. He/she didn't want to complete the expected schoolwork, and were upset with me for gently restating the expectation. I was willing to help where needed, and a preferred activity lay just on the other side of the worksheet's completion.
This day, the student chose to express their frustration by trashing the classroom, and becoming aggressive. I was kicked in the shins multiple times, hit, and spat on. Each time, I reminded the student that such behavior was not acceptable and was not how they were going to get what they wanted, and gently restated the expectation. I strive to always be kind, but firm. A few more of these meltdowns occurred throughout the day, though my student did eventually complete the expected work.
I returned home at the end of the day exhausted, and feeling utterly defeated. I sat down and prayed, "God, what can I do? I'm just so frustrated and I don't even know where to begin." I sat in silence for a few minutes, and slowly, I began to understand God was trying to teach me something about Himself, even in this.
When God asks something of me, whether through Scripture or the gentle prompting of the Holy Spirit, how often have I responded by resisting or refusing? How often have I, giving into my own desires, spat in the face of God? The childish resistance I experienced in the classroom, the irrational overreaction to something unpleasant, is really no different that how I respond to God sometimes. My heart broke as I considered how my behavior must sadden and anger God. His child, whom He loves, who He sent His own Son to die for, and for whom He has good plans, insists upon willfully resisting! He has done everything for me, and yet I stubbornly refuse to do as He asks, simply because I don't want to. I tell Him I love Him, but when asked to do a task I don't want to do, I rebel.
And yet, through it all, God's love for me never changes. After all I put Him through, He still receives me. Sometimes receiveing that love is hardest of all. The love that remains true, all while gently convicting my heart that what I've done is far from acceptable, and that His expectations of me are the same. It is a love that causes me to see that I'm in the wrong. This is a love that, when I come back before Him and plead for forgiveness, says, "I still love you. My attitude toward you has not changed."
And surely enough, when I arrived at work the next morning, my student ran in to give me a hug, and said, "I'm sorry, teacher, for kicking you and spitting in your face. I love you Miss Kc." And, fully aware of the previous day, I remember the heart of God and say, "I forgive you. I love you too, buddy."
