Hebrews 4:12-13
"Man of sorrows, what a name
for the Son of God who came.
Ruined sinners to reclaim.
Hallelujah! What a Savior!"
Once again, God has been faithful to put before me the things deep in my heart, laying bare all the things I'd rather keep hidden. Scripture tells me that the Holy Spirit searches my heart, and that all hidden things are laid bare before Him. The Sword of the Spirit has been at work again, slicing through my carefully crafted facades and getting to the heart of my problem. And the problem, it turns out, is with my heart, my attitude.
At work, in life, wherever, there are some people who are SO. HARD. TO. LOVE. People toward whom it is difficult to have even a kind thought. People to who it is difficult to be civil sometimes. In my life, these people are those who are or have been harsh or unrelenting toward people I care about, or toward those I advocate for. I have more patience, it seems, toward the children I work with than with these folks because, "Can't they just understand already?" "Are they even TRYING to 'get it'?" "Do they even SEE their problem?!" I get angry, and in my (self-deemed) "righteous indignation" I let that anger fester. I wallow; I seethe; I stew - and ever so slowly, I become bitter. But, but...THEY are the ones with the problem, right? I mean, I'm right to be angry, aren't I??
I...they...but....
But then I see Jesus - on the cross, dying for them. Jesus, coming "ruined sinners to reclaim." Jesus, dying for the sin of the world - the sins of lust and greed and pride....oh. Pride. Self-righteousness. "You mean, my attitude, Lord?" And the scalpel cuts. Straight to the heart of me. The sword goes deep, to cut out another piece of me that does not reflect Christ. And I see how far I truly am from God's heart, how much I desperately need grace daily. In my pride I like to go around believing I'm a pretty good person, and then God puts these people in my life, like a mirror. A mirror reflecting the condition of my heart, and, much like when I see my physical reflection in the morning, I think, "Oh! That CAN'T be accurate!" But the mirror only reflects what is. It makes no comment, no adjustment, it merely reveals the true state of what is before it. "Those people" don't make me prideful and bitter, they show me how bitter and prideful I already am. (Credit to C.S. Lewis for this principle). I see the truth, and I am cut to the heart. But, praise God, "Godly sorrow leads to repentance...."
So, these people I don't WANT to love, don't WANT to be patient with - who am I to decide whether they are worthy of love and patience? How patiently Christ has dealt with me! He died, to save my soul and transform my heart, and patiently sets about His gracious work.
"Take my will and make it Thine
It shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart, it is Thine own
It shall be Thy royal throne."
Lord, my will is something I so often reclaim, something I try to take back, when who you have called me to be does not align with what my flesh wants. I want to believe I know best, and carefully craft the perfect excuses instead of seeing my sin for what it is. Yes, it is ok to be upset when someone mistreats another, but this should drive me to prayer and to seek change, while showing love and patience. God is the One who changes hearts and minds. He calls me to "seek justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with my God." (Micah 6:8). It's a delicate balance, to humbly stand for truth while intentionally living in love, but I know this: bitterness and self-righteousness have never changed a heart. They only drive wedges, between people and between me and God. I am to live intentionally to love ALL - even those who I don't WANT to love, and let God do the heart-work.
