I'd Do Anything

"I'd do ANYTHING.  


ANY. THING.


Whatever it takes, I'll do it."

So goes my inner dialogue whenever I think about being a mother.  I'd do ANYTHING to be able to get pregnant.

For those of you who have been following my journey, you know that my husband and I have been trying to start a family for about 2 years now, to no avail.  In February, I finally went to see my doctor about it.  Long story short, she diagnosed me with Poly-Cystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS).  PCOS is a condition which affects a woman's hormone levels, causing her to produce too much testosterone and androgens, and too little estrogen and progesterone.  This, in turn, causes excessive hair growth, irregular or stopped periods, acne, ovarian cysts, weight gain, insulin resistance, depression, anxiety and other fun and exciting symptoms.

While the diagnosis probably should have dealt a crushing blow, I instead found myself relieved.  Relieved because the diagnosis validated all I am dealing with.  I'm not just crazy - there is something wrong with my body.  It has a name, it has predictable symptoms, and it can be treated!  That is not to say it isn't complicated. My doctor gave me some medication to help, but I began to research PCOS and how to treat it naturally.

A fellow PCOS cyst-er directed me to www.smartfertilitychoices.com, run by Kym Campbell.  There I found a wealth of information about PCOS and it's relation to diet and exercise.  While researching, it became clear that getting pregnant would require a major lifestyle change.  Kym runs a 30 day challenge, wherein she provides recipies, tips, and other encouragement to change your eating.  To summarize - I am now off sugar, gluten, white carbs, dairy, and excess caffeine.  For this coffee-loving, cheese-on-top-of-everything chocoholic, that was a HUGE blow!  As I started to follow the dietary guidelines, I noticed distinct differences between when I ate right (energy, decreased symptomes, weight loss) and when I ate whatever I wanted to (nausea, lethargy, more acne, bloating).

However, even with these changes, I was still unwilling to give up cheese, my 2nd -5th cups of coffee, and some sugars.  I told myself, "Well, I'm eating some of the right things; I just can't give up _________."

A few days ago, after yet another negative pregnancy test, I sighed once more, "I'd do anything to be pregnant."  All at once I remembered my unwillingness to give up some of my favorite foods.

 Anything?

Knocked off my feet, I considered - in 10 years, do I want to look back and think, "Well, I never had kids, but at least I got to eat cheese and drink sugary coffee."?  And here is where discipline begins - what do I want MOST?  The instant gratification - that chocolate, that ice cream - or am I willing to put in the work toward being able to have a child - something I've dreamed about ever since I can remember?

And it was in this paradigm shift, I began to see a theme in life.  How often do we, as Christians, say "I'd do ANYTHING for You, Lord!  I'd give ANYthing to know You and follow You" - only be unwilling to give up the things standing in the way?  And often, it is not grand gestures God requires (selling your house and moving to Africa, etc) but rather those everyday habits and things we enjoy.  Maybe it's giving up a weeknight for that church ministry, ceasing to watch that show or listen to that music that makes your walk with the Lord difficult, or takes your thoughts places they shouldn't go.  Maybe it's giving up that weekly coffee in order to tithe, or waking up a little earlier to spend time in prayer and the Word.  He requires different things from all of us.  In my own life, it is most often the little things where I have the most difficulty faithfully following.

It is said "discipline is deciding between what you want most, and what you want right now."  As I consider my life, what I want most is fellowship with the Lord and to be able to get pregnant. (In that order).  And if those things are truly what I want most, then the discipline and sacrifice will all be worthwhile.  And while there is a chance that even if I eat perfectly and do all the right things for PCOS there is no guarantee I will be able to have a baby, I know that if I am willing to practice those small disciplines the Lord asks of me,  it WILL bring me closer to Him, and allow me to know Him more deeply.  If I am willing to make sacrifices and changes for something for which there is no guarantee, how much more should I be willing to do what my Lord asks for the certainty of Him?

So, what is it in your life that finds you saying,"I'd do ANYTHING for ___________!"  What changes do you need to make in order to have that?  Are you willing to undergo the necessary discipline and trade momentary satisfaction for something lasting?

Are you willing to ask the Lord to look into your life and begin the pruning process? Are you willing do undergo His discipline as He begins to chisel away all that does not conform to Christ?

Note: One of the most important parts of this new diet and lifestyle is accountability - someone to remind me when I'm tempted about what I want most.  It is the same with the Christian life.  Find someone who knows what changes you are trying to make, what things God is asking of you, to help keep you on track.  We often cannot make lasting change without community.

Blessings as you begin or continue the discipline process! (And if you see me about to eat too much cheese - remind me that it's less important that a baby! ;)  )